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Monday, October 12, 2009,

i can't BELIEVE what's crawling behind me. I turn around, and there's always something falling at my feet, something that i never thought would crumble. it's making everything I've ever believed in, deceive me!

Now, Now, we've come too far, just to let go. I get tired of the small petty things that seem to piss me off, very often, and I don't understand why. I'm a mellow person, I don't let things get to me, But YOU, you my dear, have found everysingle one of my buttons, and always seem to push them at the exact wrong time, how do I handle this atrocity? Well, me, I always try to find the easy way out, so I don't, and therefor, usually end up ruining everything I've worked so hard for.

I hate not feeling 100% secure, well, i wouldn't exactly know how that feels, but I've gotten pretty damn close to it, and i hate not being at that peak, every minute, and every hour, of every day. [..even on leap year]. Yeah, you'd think this life would make me stronger, but all i'm doing is running scared.

I've come to realize that everything I talk to someone about, has the word, I, Me, Or myself in it. When in the world did I turn into a person that talks about themselves all the time? I've grown into this annoying, whatever you wanna call me, and I hate it. I don't mean to, But it just happens, It's kinda sad, when you write about YOU annoying YOURSELF.

You know, I love
PostSecret, So much. Even the most depressing of postcards make me happy. Recently, I read PostSecret, 12 am, Sunday morning, and a majority of the time, my boyfriends at my house, and it seems so perfect, reading PostSecret, and knowing he's around. Every week, I find a new post, not in my handwriting, and i find it SO invigorating. it's just heartwarming to know, I'm not the only on in this screwed up world thinking the same thing.

So this year, I've fallen in love, fallen out of love, regretted it, hated myself, and at this point, fallen back in love. but with a person who seems to be almost a polar opposite of my tastes 6 months ago. But this takes the distress from all of our lives, and just proves my point thus further, my tastes never take a break from changing.
because those days are gone, and i can't keep holding on to what i thought used to be SO PERFECT, at every angle, because no matter how bad i want to believe it, nothing ever stays the same, and nothing lasts forever, so the only thing a person can do, is let go.

we all have to learn to
let go.

Comments

Yeah, you'd think this life would make me stronger, but all i'm doing is running scared.

I know exactly how you feel, Ashley. Love is a strange thing, a process that doesn't simplify even after it is lost. It would be so much easier to digest if you could just look back and see everything exactly as it was instead of how you dreamed it could be. I've gone through the exact same thing, the frustration and the wishing that certain things didn't irk me the way they did. Silly little objects, behaviors, phrases... that normally didn't faze me. I've experienced love, loss and love again. I can tell you, letting go doesn't get any easier... but it's part of life and progression. As you said, it's often necessary.

P.S. I love PostSecret too!

:)
Thank god! atleast someone knows what I mean. Life has too many ups and downs for me to keep track of, so the only thing I can really do, is go with it. :
Too true. :)
I love your layout, by the way.
Ahaha, thank you very much (:.