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it's always just me,

Sunday, March 22, 2009,

i want to be back where i was when i fell in love,
not with a person, but with life.

nothings anything what it used to be. i close my eyes, just to open them once more, and forget where i am. i miss being able to pass by unnoticed, i miss being able to say what i please without judgment, i miss being able to be who i want to be. i miss being able to curse under my breath without the urge to want to say it out loud. I used to think i had so many to lean on to, but really, honestly, i have a very rare few. don't come up to me saying you just want a good friend, cause quite frankly, i don't know where you have been.

I once had a someone that asked me where i have been all their life, and i responded in reacting, saying, looking for you, which shows how eager I used to be, eager for someone to want me, to love me, and to need me. Those simple, quiet, naive days, is what i live for. now, everything takes thought, takes time, wastes time, and for some reason, doesn't make time. i don't wanna do it alone, I'm begging you, don't make me do this alone. Life doesn't involve romance in everyother sentence, but sometimes, it's the only thing that's available. You make your own problems when love gets involved, sometimes it's unavoidable, but that's all on your part.

Sure, you could be reading this thinking 'this girl's a freaking idiot', or you could be reading this and thinking 'she's lived a lot more than i have'. I only live by what I've learned, what I've stressed over, and what I've loved... loved.. love...lov...lo...l..... What's wrong with this sentence? everything dissapears, including love. Once you've loved, you've lived. And don't think you can only love once, you love by how YOU feel you do, not by someone else's standards.

I wish life were easier, but then again, if it was, I'd be a champion.