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live like you were dying,

Tuesday, June 16, 2009,

He was a husband, a father, a brother, and he's someone missed.

we never got along, we but heads every chance we got to. He was a provider, and a strong man. He may not have lived the perfect life, the golden one, you know, the kind you see in the movies, or read in books. But I'm pretty sure he was happy. He screwed up, many times, he lost the best woman he could ever have, and i know he regretted it.

When he got sick, it's like a different light was shining upon him, even IF he still had a sense of bitterness towards her. I saw him in a way I hadn't ever before. I always saw him and thought, he would be the one to protect me if something were to happen... But when I looked at him, I knew he couldn't. I took a good hard look at him and said, I know he's going where he wants to be. He just wanted to be with his dad, and now he has had his chance.

After he passed, it wasn't a shock, we all knew it was going to happen, in a way it was a relief, from being in pain, and suffering. I don't remember much about him, we never did too much together, but i'll always remember, he loved to drink, it was i guess you could say, his passion. It took control of him, and he couldn't fight it. I don't think he wanted to, I think it made him feel alive, but came to know it only did the exact opposite.

Now I was never raised to be a completely christian girl, never was forced to go to church, or to study a religion, But when he was gone, I prayed and prayed and prayed for my mother to be okay. I know it hurts her, no matter how hard she tries to hide it, i'm her daughter, and i know she's hurt, bad. She's the strongest person i've ever met, and i know i'm young, but she just has a sense about her, i know she can over come any obsticals that come in her way. I look up to her, she's got more strenght than I can ever even hope to have.

Every day that passes, I think I'm starting to forget, forget all of the mean things you did/said. i thought you were so mean, i didn't think you would try, i know i was scared. I'm starting to realize you're gone, and I'm starting to only see the good things you did, even though there was very few, and i was very young so i didn't realize.

But I think what I miss most, is the father/daughter relationship we could have had.

Rest In Peace Daddy.
you're missed everyday.